When life’s unfair…

I always thought it has to be fair. Majority of my fights in life were for justice or my perception of it. After all these years, I have realised it’s not about justice always. For something to begin, something has to start and something has to end. In the process, justice may temporarily be off! The beginning of an end, is the beginning of much more than the end itself. Who promised life will be fair anyway? I was only promised learning. It isn’t about justice always. It’s about my learning from them both and my ability to gather myself...
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Dealing with death

Lots of deaths happening around. We are unable to help it. There’s grief. Death shows no bias nor consideration for age, gender, power, value - or anything. We can neither choose when it happens, how happens, or to whom it happens. At times like these, just a couple of things that you might want to consider so that you can help yourself through these trying times: It’s okay to cry. Let no one tell you and you don’t tell anyone that one should not cry. It’s not only normal, it is absolutely necessary that we give ourselves the liberty to...
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7th anniversary special 😀

7 years and counting. Today it is 7 years since I published my first blog. When I started, I had no idea how long or how many will I post. But that's the beauty. I covered the distance unknowingly, and effortlessly. Without anticipation, life seems to go more seamlessly. When we anticipate, there's too much that goes into planning, and most of the planning is often around what might go wrong. We complicate simple things. When I look back, I see the transitions. Initially, I used to never post unless it was proofread by someone, to make it error proof....
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If there was an award for being the most self-critical, would that go to you?

Did you know that constantly scolding yourself gives you the permission to continue being at your less than optimal state in the long run?
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Privacy Vs Secrecy – How to draw a healthy line

In a recent program, I was asked an interesting question on the distinction between privacy and secrecy in relationships and how to draw the line. How open should we be? Firstly, in order for us to build rapport, we need to know each other. Although it’s not the only thing, it is one of the things. Rapport is a climate of trust and understanding. If we are being too secretive, then there isn’t an element of trust but an element of doubt or a fear of being hurt. When that takes over, then trust is obviously out of the window. ...
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Should you search for yourself?

We have access to more than what we need today. And yet we feel incomplete. We have a lot but yet, the heart searches for something. Many are in search of something, some are in search of finding out themselves, who they are! It’s a great question. Ramana Maharshi, a great Indian philosopher, and saint also said, the most important question to ask ourselves is, “Who am I?” Constantly discovering ourselves and avoiding getting too attached to any of the labels, judgments, roles, or identities that we don in life. I think it’s a powerful search.  In the process of...
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You are here because you chose to be!

This is one of the most powerful sentences! I am sure many of you would have read this sentence or something on similar lines before. When I read it, it was like as if my entire life just paused for a minute and I floated above it to see - that I am here because I chose to be. So, everything that is happening, that has happened, and that will happen is for me. Exclusively for me! And there’s nothing good or bad. There’s just intense, less intense, or highly intense moments that each offer me something valuable. When I...
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How to overcome the fear of self-expression

Think of the significant people in your life - at home, work, or friends. Do you freely express yourself? Or do you shy away from it? Has it become a repetitive pattern that you simply swallow things instead of telling them what you actually feel? People who don’t express themselves - don’t do so because they fear hurting others. Or getting hurt themselves because they label themselves as sensitive. They feel it would be a point of least damage if they don’t open the can-of-worms called self-expression. They may have either personally had bad experiences in the past or seen...
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How to keep yourself motivated when you aren’t accepted

Do you realize that you don't often like things that are necessarily good for you? What you like is often different from what's good. Right? Likewise, appreciation from others, likes on social media, rewards, etc aren’t necessarily things that denote whether you are good or not. What appeals to people isn’t what’s good. What appeals to people is what they like. Now, why do people like something? There could be several reasons for it : an emotional connect  A value-based connect A feel-good factor A need for favor  A need to be liked  Social hierarchy driving the need  Your product...
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How to prevent rules from ruining your relationships – Part 1

Without rules, we’d perhaps live in a world that is filled with chaos. Rules are important. It is important to understand that my freedom ends where your nose begins. Since this isn’t very easily accepted, we have rules in place to help all of us co-exist in this world. However, there is some such thing as too many rules. There are caveats when we think of using rules in our homes and in relationships. Let’s explore what they are. In relationships, rules shouldn’t be used to exercise power or authority over people. Rules can be used to create a common...
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This is how you can have your missing love story

Some of us have had this dream love story and the happy continuation of it. While some of us might feel we missed that beautiful love story that we had often hoped for. For any of us who feel we missed out on that beautiful, heart-fulfilling love story, here’s how you can have it. It’s never too late. Any love story will have its phase of being over the moon and then it becomes BAU (business as usual) - the initial excitement and thrill aren’t going to be there later. Or at least not in the same way. Things evolve....
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What to expect in relationships

Firstly, what are you expecting? And what will happen if your expectations aren’t met? If we expect to be loved, that’s one thing (This may happen, not because you want it. But if they find it fitting in with the rest of their life story - like how you found them fitting in with yours. We can’t force this to happen).  If we expect ourselves to be the only person to be loved the most by them - that’s another thing (That’s more like territorial rights. To own and to be owned is more suited for properties like cars and...
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How to deal with people who do not accept when you change

Sometimes, even after you changed for the better, people will try to remind you about your past and will hold on to their image of you from the past. They find it difficult to let go of it and identify you with your new changes. That’s because they find comfort in representing you that way in their life. They have you represented as something, and themselves as something in relation to you. Now because you changed, they can’t simply change their impression because it involves changing the entire equation itself - which means - changing themselves too. Because in your...
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This is your best contribution to the world

Some of us say bye and thank you while leaving, some of us leave quietly with the least gesture from our end thinking it might not make any difference to the host. It may be true. You may think you are one in a crowd and can disappear unnoticed. You can live your life thinking that way and remain insignificant. Or you can make your presence felt by thanking the host and wishing goodbye pleasantly. When you do that not only do you rise out of being insignificant but you also make the host feel recognised for their efforts by...
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Discovered the opposite of guilty (Part 2)

Imagine this - you are going to be a part of creating history with a Guinness Book of World Record - with more than 4000  children as participants, 20 cameras, another 5000 teachers and parents waiting outside - you head the Organization that’s attempting to create this record. Feel the heat? Amidst all this, you get a call from someone in your organization - saying they missed their flight to get to the venue this morning - they have 10 kids with them who were supposed to be a part of this event. What would you do? How would you respond? Here’s...
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Discovered the opposite of guilty! 

I am guilty of making people feel guilty! Initially, I did not know that we shouldn’t make others feel guilty. Later, some wise being said, 'never talk to anyone in a way that makes them feel like they owe you an apology'. It made sense. But I did not know what was the opposite of making someone feel guilty. If I wasn’t going to make them feel guilty, what should I make them feel instead? I finally had a eureka moment when I figured what’s the opposite of making someone feel guilty. (Disclaimer - It's going to be a long...
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Reframing – Change the way you think (A powerful NLP technique)

It’s been ages since I thought of this incident. But as I woke up this morning, it just flashed in my mind so clearly. I was in 8th or 9th grade. It was a festival in India (Ganesh puja). We woke up in the morning and my father and I went out to get fresh fruits from the market. We had finished buying all the fruits and I offered to carry the bag of fruits. I had always seen my father offering to help people with their bags and baggages and I thought that was so gentlemanly of him. So,...
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To special people who make us feel special

2012 – I went home for my birthday. Daddy was very excited. He always was about any of our birthdays – be it my mother’s, sister’s or mine. It meant a lot to him. He’d do anything and everything to ensure we had a great birthday. I remember when I was a kid I used to invite friends for my birthday almost a year in advance, dream of what kind of cake would I get, how many chocolates to buy etc. Clothes were the best part – Daddy used to get me the most exquisite dresses from the best of...
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Your Space – My Space – Our Space

Is the space around you all about yourself or does it have space for others to co-exist too? Or is it all about others and not about you? There's nothing wrong with thinking about the other, so long as there's space for you. There's nothing wrong with thinking about oneself, so long as there's place for others too. For mutual coexistence, it is important that we are aware of each other's space. It is even more important that we respect the spaces. As we are aware, our freedom ends where the other person's nose begins. But sometimes we think that...
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Decision Making – Thoughtful and Fearless

Life’s a lot about making decisions. From what to wear, to where to live, to what to do, we are constantly deciding. At different times, in different situations, we have different factors that determine our decisions. While some decisions are based on logic and reason, some others are based on emotion and responsibility and the like. There are some decisions though, that are based on fear more than anything else. Fear of consequences. Decisions made in fear may not often appeal to the rest of our mind, body and heart because fear has no reason. Fear is a reason-less reason....
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Helping without rescuing…

What I love the most about being a part of this world is that we each want to be useful to someone and help each other out most often. However, helping without rescuing – what is this about and why is it important? Imagine this – Scene 1: A person is drowning – You go and help them and rescue them from drowning. Scene 2: A person is learning to swim – Here, you help them learn. If you rescue them from learning, the odds are that they may not learn the skill of swimming for themselves. Drawing a parallel,...
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Beyond Deeds!

Give if you can, without expectations Love if you can, without conditions Live if you can, without regrets Talk if you can, without negativity Listen if you can, without judgement Laugh if you can, without inhibitions Think if you can, without boundaries Know if you can, with realization Dream if you can, with conviction Appreciate, if you can, in all honesty And certainly know that you can, And that you surely will, As soon as you WANT to.
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Filter, filter on the call, what is important of them all?

There are lots of things that we get free in this world – like air, nature, love, special offers, advice 🙂 etc. Some of the things that are freely available are of immense value while some others may not be as valuable. And hence, it is useful to have a filter before accepting what is offered. The important question would be – “Do I really need it?” For example, when we visit someone for a meal, out of love, the host serves more food on your plate than you might need. Although the intent is positive, the effect may not...
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Living life fully!

July 26, 2005 – Mumbai, Marol Naka, 3.30 in the evening - it had been raining heavily for a while then. There was a power shut down in our office and some of us thought it’s better to try and get home before the local trains stop plying. It wasn’t an uncommon scene in Mumbai for the local trains’ service to be shut down due to heavy rainfall. We got out of office thinking it was one of those routine heavy rains. Little did we know the adventure that was awaiting us. When we stepped out, there was water till...
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